Tuesday, October 4, 2011

VeganMofo V: Bachelorette Meals Part 1

Sometimes after a long day at work/school/volunteering and you kinda just need to put something in your face before you take the dog out and go to bed. The PPK has been a little obsessed with these terrible, lack-luster or otherwise poor meal offerings that us single folk like to chow down on. I'm a little bit obsessed too.

Bachelorette Meals might not be the mightiest of offerings but they have served me well enough through years of university. They certainly haven't killed me yet. And since this The Unhealthy Vegan Blog I figure the pseudo meals deserve some lime light. In all their single-hood-glory, I bring you yet another series of lameness:

Vegan Eats for Sad-n-Single Folks: Bachelorette Meals 
(there is a tongue and cheek thing happening here, in case that didn't come through).

These sad offerings of non-meals consumed by the lonely over the sink in their single bedroom apartments sometimes in the wee-hours of the morning.

Many are limited to grains with seasoning, spoonfuls of spreads, crackers for the adventurous. Just clicking through the thread, almost makes me want to cook/eat my way through it.

So now, I'll show case a few examples from over the many years of single-dom through which I've survived.

Fried Tofu
A single persons best friend. Fried foods offer the warm comfort that others may gain through companionship, it's fat content and protein-y goodness makes this humble offering an speedy way to a sustained stomach so you can get back to watching The Early Edition on Netflix.
Bonus points here for this is pre-fried packaged tofu puffs from the Asian discount store. So I just opened the pack and poured some sauce into the dipping bowls. But I used fancy dipping bowls and lacquered chopsticks, LIKE A LADY.

Frozen morsels of salvation. Even making them yourself can count as bachelorette chow (what you opened some can beans and put it on some bread, face it you are one of us). Although the below pictured is actually a wicked-fancy-stuffed-to-the-max-morsel from a local take out place, it's take-out so the cooking effort was dialing the phone.
ok, sorry not the most photogenic of foods.
And unlike 98% of Bachelorette-Chow Burritos may actually offer more than one food group/nutrient requirement. So really, these are the all-stars of single-person-foods, there is avocado and lettuce in there. FRESH VEGGIES (sometimes frozen veggies, but at least they are green).

Perhaps the closest thing to true bachelorette-chow, The Smash features a selection of available edibles a-top a baked potato. Most often a can of drained chickpeas, fake-bacon-bits, and seasoning. Earth balance if one is feeling refined.

Bonus points for microwaved potatoes that are then pressed with a fork in your bowl and seasoned with spice mix.

Although the vegan version is arguably not of the same neon-orange calibre, it is still packaged and easy. So I figured it deserved a brief mention.

I will conclude this post for now on the ultimate bachelorette meal the one that inspires pity form your friends and family. Assending to new culinary lows in bad habits and despair, may I present:

The Vegan-Ice-Cream Diner
It can be observed in two distinct levels of culinary thought and levels of desolation, the classier approach is the dinner sunday which offers the comforting embrace of sugar.

Not only does this distinguished school of thought offer the user the self-esteem-boost which comes from eating out of an actually dish but it's liberal thoughts on flavour mingling and add-ins provides an assortment of sugar sources.

This is for the classy-folks among us
 The second school, is reserved for the more accustomed solo-travellers. Those who have been segregated from humanity long enough to shed even the most basic of social customs. This level of desperation and loneliness should not be rushed, it can only be undertaken after sufficient solitude. Always alone, often unspoken, this is the meal eaten with a shield of humility. The meal we hide from our cats/dogs, because you don't want anyone watching you eat this.

It's clean-up is a breeze and it's social stigma is long lasting. Ice-cream from the carton. Bonus points for both eating the whole thing at once and for the sad-affair of returning the half eaten carton to the fridge to eat for dinner the next day.

Happy Mofo Folks!


Fanny said...

Love love love this post.

Lorelei said...

"Fried foods offer the warm comfort that others may gain through companionship,"

Amazing. True. And amazing.

thevegandivision said...

This post is really helpful! I'm studying at university and living in a shared flat - just the kind of person who needs this recipes! :)

vegan.in.brighton said...

I love this post. I'm married but I eat like this a lot!!

Elisa said...

Hilarious! And true... Thanks for the laughs.

Nanette said...

I do love the fried tofu! Have you ever noticed the containers of tofu say 5 servings? Yeah right. :)

Lauren said...

Preach it! I just finished a dinner of broken crackers, the last of some we can't say it's cheese spread and an apple, so this really hit home. Also, word to the fried foods replacing companionship. Fried foods + cat > companion.

Anonymous said...

Love this post so much. Is it bad that I eat this way even though I'm no longer a bachelorette? lol
I live off of frozen burritos when there's nothing else to eat in the house, there seems to be a never ending supply in the freezer.

Jes said...

OMG dude! That tofu looks freaking tasty. Craving tofu now ha!

mollyjade said...

I've been known to eat fried tofu from the package dipped in sauce. I admit, I'm no lady though. I use my fingers.

Anonymous said...

Love this post! I'm married but my husby works weird hours and often misses dinner and my kids are tots who eat very plain, small meals. I eat solo most of the time.

Monique a.k.a. Mo said...

That tofu!